Everyone Likes A Good Joke

Man, I just crapped out a salty sea of diarrhea. It's so uncomfortable, having stomach cramps. I don't know what to do when I have one. It's probably worse even than being nauseated. I'm still sick with whatever I picked up at the office. However, I am doing alright because I am home watching Time Bandits and later, Intacto. Last night, I watched 13 Ghosts. That movie is awful. I mean, it's not awful, but it's pretty disappointing. Check this premise: This guy wants to build a machine powered by fucking ghosts. Awesome. And what does the machine do? It tells the future. That's real cool. See, the movie's actually a remake, and you can tell that the writers really wanted to make it something more intense, like, "the machine can make a bomb that is more powerful than the sun and it's primed to explode," but they grudgingly stick to the original. I like the idea that seeing the future is something that only Satan, or, you know, whoever, can do. But after that, it's all downhill.

Here's a joke:

Q: What's purple and commutes?
A: An Abelian grape.

So it snowed today. Pretty incredible -- looking outside my window some of the stuff was swirling around in a column, while some other bits were just falling in sheets. I was feeling too sick to go play in it, but it sure looked fun. Another joke courtesy of this Slashdot article.

Old programmers don't die, they're just cast into the void.

That's what I'd like to have happen to me, I know. I'm starting to feel too lousy to write in my blog any more, but are you guys aware of this clever attempt to sway the political willow tree in the direction of the left? For the non-technical, here's how it works: Actually, I just realized I don't really understand how it works. It has something to do with establishing a link between the desired concepts, optimally two specific phrases that haven't been paired before, and then promoting that novel pairing by searching for it a lot. That's right -- search queries do affect Google's PageRank system. Two more jokes:

In C++, you can see your friends' privates.

and

Two strings walk into a bar. The first says, "Barkeep, I'll have a whiskey sour."
The second string says, "Hey, that sounds good. I think I'll have one too.(&!@(**(#$^(*(*&@(*!$&(*@#&(*(!@#)(*(*@!$(&!@( *#&@!(#^$*#$_(*@!&#*&@!$#"
The first string says to the bartender, "Excuse my friend, he isn't null terminated."

Hey, when I was searching for the IMDB link for 13 Ghosts, I came across a little gem called 13 Erotic Ghosts. Apparently it doesn't have much to recommend it, except I do notice that one of the stars is Aria Giovanni, who is always bored and hot looking, and who is willing to do unbelievably filthy things on camera. I wonder if Royal Video has it for sale. Finally, one last joke:

Q: What did the webserver say to Slashdot?
A: HRRRRRNNNnnnnnnghhhh......

Okay, two more:

[A red sign posted on my professor's door]
If this sign looks blue... SLOW DOWN!

That one was for Ted. But I think we all need to slow down a little bit.